Time, Time, Time…


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September 24th, 2014

“Time, time, time… see what’s become of me…”

Hazy Shade of Winter by Paul Simon

Time is moving too fast and I don’t like it anymore.

It isn’t about vanity or youth. I’m not afraid of getting old, losing my looks, or not knowing the names of celebrities on covers of magazines that I don’t read. To be honest, I never enjoyed being young, anyway. It’s over-rated, and even at the time, I knew it. I couldn’t wait to get older and so far, I’ve enjoyed it. The lines around my eyes – the inability to tolerate anyone under 30 years old – the utter confusion I experience while trying to operate one of those hip cellular phone contraptions – I’ve considered these things very fair trades for the freedom, self-confidence, and personal empowerment of age. Maybe I’ll feel differently in another twenty years – I don’t know – but I like where I am now: young enough to have a future and old enough to have a past.

But the passage of time itself… it’s eerie, isn’t it? The way it creeps and crawls, slithering as it steals hours, days, weeks… years; it’s a thief of the deadliest, quietest kind. It makes you look back and take inventory, to be sure. And today seems to be a good day for looking back a little.

I can say with full conviction that I have no regrets, and in that, I know, I am lucky. I’m not sorry about my choices, but I do sometimes wonder what the hell I was thinking. It’s never the actions I took that bother me; it’s the actions I didn’t take – the time that I wasted. I feel lucky that I’m 37 years old rather than 57 or 67, and that is a great comfort to me on the days I get down on myself for all the time I spent being afraid and doing what I was told.

But still, just a minute ago, it was 1994. That means the next 20 years will likely come – and go – just as fast. And yeah… that kind of bothers me. I only hope I know myself a little more this time around, and that instead of going whichever way the general flow takes me, I have the smarts and spine to continue carving out my own path. After nearly 10 years of concentrated effort and near-ruthless intent, I’m finally on to a few good things in life; things I have to protect, defend, preserve, and foster. I know circumstances change and that anything can happen. I can’t control everything in the universe, but I can – and will – make sure that anyone who puts an unwelcomed, obstructing hand into my affairs pulls back a bloody stump.

Maybe this makes me an asshole. I don’t think so, but maybe. Really, I just don’t feel I have time to waste. That’s the one thing I do miss about being young: the sense that time is unlimited. But time even takes that from us, though in this case, I think it’s a good thing. It’s forced me to move. It’s made me aware. I know now that I don’t have all the time in the world, and I consider that a profound – though sometimes painful – grace.

I know I don’t have time for a lot of things. I don’t have time to wait for inspiration. I don’t have time to complain about what I should have done. I don’t have time for television. I don’t have time to argue about things I can’t control with people who don’t agree. I don’t have time to pursue unfulfilling relationships, and I don’t have time to wait until there’s enough time to do whatever it is that needs to be done. I have to make time… and that is my best – if not only – defense against that sneaky little thief called Time.

~A~

February Update


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I wrote an update on the work in progress in my journals on my website. To read about it, go here: http://alistaircross.com/Cross-Talk

Also, an interview I did for Eliza Gale at Eliza Gale’s Interviews has gone live. Check it out at: http://elizagalesinterviews.com/2014/02/18/an-interview-with-horror-writer-alistair-cross/

Thank you, Eliza, for a great interview.

Welcome to Cross Talk


Hello, Cross Talkers, and welcome to Cross Talk, the official blog of horror author Alistair Cross.

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Alistair Cross was born in a small town in the western United States.

He grew up on horror novels and scary movies, and by the age of 8, began writing his own stories. In 2012, his first novel, a collaborative effort called Beautiful Monster, was published by Damnation Books, LLC. under the pseudonym Jared S. Anderson.

Mr. Cross is now hard at play on several other works, including a macabre little project with acclaimed horror novelist Tamara Thorne.

His influences include, but are not limited to, the works of Stephen King, Dean Koontz, John Saul, Tamara Thorne, Ira Levin, and William Peter Blatty.

Mr. Cross’ turn-ons include horror movies, photography, offensive books, blaring music, swiss cheese, bloodletting, leather boots, and making people feel uncomfortable.

In his spare time, he can often be found playing with fire, conquering ant colonies, flogging his friends, appearing pensive and thoughtful for no real reason, and exploring the various stages of hypnagogia… on the freeway.

Follow him on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/CrossAlistair

Or on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Alistair-Cross/603207063043497?ref=hl

Come in, stay a while, indulge in a little fear… have a good time…