SEX: A Man’s Guide by Stefan Bechtel

Sex: A Man’s Guide, Stefan Bechtel, Laurence Roy Stains (tee, hee, hee — Stains), 1996

My favorite quote: “Some ancient philosophers thought that semen’s grayish froth was a little bit of the gray matter between our ears — and, therefore, not something to be indiscriminately spent.” Umm .. gray? I don’t know whose you’re looking at but, gross. And btw, I’ll spend mine as indiscriminately as I see fit, thank you very much. If God didn’t want me spreading it around, he wouldn’t have given me so much of it

Notable characters: Well, it’s non-fiction so it’s pretty much just you and your penis — if you have one

Most memorable scene: It’s been a while since I read this, but as I recall, the chapter on the male g-spot had me clutching my pearls, pretending to be scandalized in case “they” were watching me. I don’t know who “they” are but I know they’re watching, and I’d hate for them to think I’m desensitized to such heathen practices

Greatest strengths: Its heft. This book packs a punch! I know, because I once found myself hurling it at what I believed to be an intruder. Turns out it was just a moth, but I’ll tell you what: that sucker won’t mess ME again

Standout achievements: I was so drawn into the chapters on sexual positions that I found myself re-enacting them as I read along. It gave me a real feel for what my body is capable of — even if it did upset the other people on the bus

Fun Facts: This book dedicates 6 pages to the clitoris and only 1 page to sexual duration. Do with that what you will

Other media: N/A What it taught me: Honestly, not that much. Maybe if I’d read it when I was 12, things would be different, but I pretty much already had things figured out

How it inspired me: The section on STDs inspired me to take a vow of abstinence. Lamest week and a half of my life

Additional thoughts: I don’t even know why I read this book. All I remember is that one day, I was walking through a bookstore and I saw the word SEX in bright red letters beckoniong me from the shelves. The next thing I knew, I was at home reading it — which, I’m sure, is exactly how “they” planned it all along …

Haunt me:

Published by Alistair Cross

Alistair Cross grew up on horror novels and scary movies, and by the age of eight, began writing his own stories. First published in 2012, he has since co-authored The Cliffhouse Haunting and Mother with Tamara Thorne and is working on several other projects. His debut solo novel, The Crimson Corset, was an Amazon bestseller. The Black Wasp, book 3 in The Vampires of Crimson Cove series is on its way. Find out more about him at: ********************************************************************************************* In collaboration, Thorne and Cross are currently writing several novels, including the next volume in the continuing gothic series, The Ravencrest Saga. Their first novel, The Cliffhouse Haunting, was an immediate bestseller. Together, they hosted the horror-themed radio show Thorne & Cross: Haunted Nights LIVE! which featured such guests as Anne Rice of The Vampire Chronicles, Charlaine Harris of the Southern Vampire Mysteries and basis of the HBO series True Blood, Jeff Lindsay, author of the Dexter novels, Jay Bonansinga of The Walking Dead series, Laurell K. Hamilton of the Anita Blake novels, Peter Atkins, screenwriter of Hellraiser 2, 3, and 4, worldwide bestseller V.C. Andrews, Kim Harrison of the Hollows series, and New York Times best sellers Preston & Child, Christopher Rice, and Christopher Moore. ********************************************************************************************** Currently, Thorne & Cross are hosts of Thorne & Cross: Carnival Macabre, where listeners can discover all manner of demented delights, unearth terrifying treasures, and explore the dark side of the arts.

What SLAY you?

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